Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
