One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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