my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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