Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
