Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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