is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize