I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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