The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
