I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
