I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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