you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
