Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
