why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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