the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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