dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
