I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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