You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
