remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
