Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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