He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize