508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
