$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it because I queefed?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
