I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
