I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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