You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize