I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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