i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
