Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
