i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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