I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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