i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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