I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
two words: eviction party
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
