There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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