I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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