even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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