WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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