i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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