Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
