On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why didn't you poke me back
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
