not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
