FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
