I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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