So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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