If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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