I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
