i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
