i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
