this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
