That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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