the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
