you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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