As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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