You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
