im six kinds of drunk right now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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