So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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