Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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