It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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