New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
