yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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