Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
