Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize