Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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