2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
