I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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