I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
