You're my little dorito
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
