Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
