I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize