don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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