That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you win again, gameday.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize