guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think a kid would responsible me up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
