TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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