Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
