So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
