do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
