why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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