I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
