some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
