it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How's work?
Spinning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
