susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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