The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
