She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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