i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
