everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize