i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
