You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
