Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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