I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
