saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
