Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
