I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
