I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
