Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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