I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I look better un-naked...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
