My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
