you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
