Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
