he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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