You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just want to make out with him forever
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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