Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
