You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize